The Question:
My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we carry on to achieve.
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I love sex and I'm sure that my partner does too, but for some imagine we just can't seem to make an endeavor to do the wild thing - one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we're losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I've had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.
How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your relationship
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We do love each other and we've been straight through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don't know what to do about it.
We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I'm scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally distinct - he thinks 'Let's have sex?' is an proper phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on...
When we weren't living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex agency but 3 times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.
Any advice you have inspecting this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don't think I want to lose my relationship but I don't know if I have the will power to save it - I don't know what to do.
The Answer:
You might be surprised to learn that almost all long term relationships go straight through this 'phase' where everyone seems to get a slight lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and 3 years into the relationship.
Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you.
Does he know how you feel?
Open and honest communication is the most prominent component of any relationship.
Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anything else. It's in fact fabulous how many lovers simply don't present openly and in fact with one another.
So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be ok. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you're trying to form out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies.
So, does he know that you crave hot spontaneous sex, or that you get excited by playing a slight rough? Guess what, he might like that too! Or he might not, but you'll never know if you don't discover this topic together. And by the way, you'll have a lot of fun and get a lot closer in the process.
Don't hurt anyone's feelings and check your ego at the door
It's a strange thing, but sex partners often get their feelings hurt when one of them suggests trying something new, or doing something a slight differently.
Get over it! The point of sex and intimacy is to enjoy each other and be happy together! Unless of course you're focused solely on manufacture babies - but that's not the topic of this article...
Getting comfortable and killing your relationship
Complacency, also known as "getting comfortable" is the death knell of so many relationships, it may as well be a full blown epidemic. So many couples strive to "get comfortable". What that means is they stop trying. And guess what... You stop trying, and your relationship dies. It's that simple. The excitement and attraction dies, and your relationships becomes a scheme that you're always fixing up. That's no fun.
So how can you add that spice and excitement back into your relationship so that you're not just lusting after those hot bodies at the gym?
Seduction as a game for lovers - the chase begins anew
The thrill of seduction doesn't end when you get into a relationship. Why give up such a fabulous thing, even if you could?
Admit it, we enjoy the chase. I know I do and I'm at peace with it. And if you're not chasing your lover, you'll end up chasing someone else. We're just wired that way. So let's just accept that fact and use it to our advantage.
When was the last time you tried to seduce your partner? No, I'm not talking about advent home and saying "hey, let's go have sex". Blah! Boring!
I mean dressing up to look your best, wearing something sexy and feeling sexy.
Some of the best and most bright sex is spontaneous sex, when you're so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that you just can't stop from ripping each other's clothes off! Now that's excitement. And doesn't it sound more fun than "hey, let's go have sex"?
Schedule hot sex dates
You go straight through the issue of scheduling lunch and dinner appointments with just about everyone in your life. How about paying at least that much concentration to your lover? Make time for that in fact steamy hot date, and plan accordingly. That way you'll both be anticipating it all day, or all week.
Make a sex date box
Here's a neat idea. Get together with your lover and each of you jot down a steamy date idea on a piece of paper and agree that each time you go on a hot steamy date, you'll pick a card from your special sex date box.
Watch some erotic movies - together
Basic Instinct, Wild Orchid, 9 and 1/2 Weeks - it doesn't have to be Playboy Porn, just something that gets you excited - trust me - he'll get excited simply by you being excited.
Go out and buy some hot lingerie - together
What could be more bright than shopping for hot lingerie together? By the time you're done, you'll be well in the mood for a hot sex date.
How about going to an adult toy store - together?
Maybe go visit an adult toy store together. Even if you don't buy anything, you're sure to have a lot of fun checking out all the merchandise.
Mix it up with some new sexual adventures
Doing the same old thing over and over again is bound to get boring. You wouldn't watch the same Tv show for the rest of your life, would you?
Try something different. Whether you're up for a threesome or concerned in the wild latex world of Bdsm, the same idea applies.
Be open to new experiences. Investment out and keep it exciting.
In summary
Talk with your partner about sex. Really, make a date to sit down and go over it. Then determine to always talk about it form then on. Check your ego at the door. If your partner makes sex suggestions and you get defensive, then you're missing the point completely. Get over it and put your partner first. You'll be glad you did. Don't strive to get "comfortable" in a relationship. If you're there, break out of it before you doom your relationship for good. Bring the excitement of seduction and the chase back into your relationship - fast. Actually program some hot sex dates with your partner. Really. Keep it bright with some new sexual adventures. Try new things. Open your mind and discover the entire world of sex possibilities.
How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your relationship
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